Catching the Late Jet to Taylor Swift's Universe
After all, it's Taylor's world. Even if you are a Gen X'er. We just currently live here.
[Note: I wrote this Monday to publish on Thursday but because Taylor Swift has been named TIME Person of the Year I decided to post today.]
Confession: I have completely missed the Taylor Swift boat.
Now don't get me wrong. I was once a rabid connoisseur of music and pop culture. But I'm older now and I live in the country with no TV. That's right no TV. I would have to invest in a satellite and I already have one for internet – a gerbil runs faster on a wheel than my “broadband.” I see a lot on the internet about Taylor, but I scroll past. That was until she started dating an NFL player.
So to be honest, I know very little about Taylor. I don't have kids so I'm out-of-the-loop on all-things Taylor. Here are five things I know about her without Googling:
She's rich. Really rich. Billionaire.
She just finished her Eras tour.
She re-recorded a bunch of songs because of some copyrights issue with them because Kelley Clarkson told her that would be a good idea.
Her fans wear some sort of Swiftie bracelets.
She's dating Travis Kelce who plays for the Kansas City Chiefs.
Oh, and she has cats.
Today I learned that Taylor and Travis — cute names when said together — wore matching squirrel sweaters to a holiday party.
Apparently this had something to do with Kelce's “squirle” tweet.
FFS, I feel old. WTF is a “squirle”? Suzi, stop investigating Arkansas Gov. Sarah Sanders’ lectern and a bunch of other possible government corruption and get going on this “sweatergate” involving Taylor and Kelce.
Jumping on X - yes, let me add the disclaimer in case you've been under a rock for a year “formerly known as Twitter” – I immediately go to Kelce's feed. Nothing.
But then using my keen investigative skills – I didn't even have to FOIA to find it – there was this tweet:
So somehow in my busy life I missed that Kelce can't spell. I guess? And Taylor is a poet. That is not an insult. I just haven't listened enough to her songs to know.
But Kelce talked about the squirle with his older brother, Jason, who plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. I did know the Kelce brothers prior to Sweatergate.
Forget squirles – is that the spelling for a pack of squirles? – I was down the damn Taylor and Kelce rabit hole. Wait, is more than one squirle a pack? A herd? A team ? I dunno. What I do know is if I ever have a band I'm calling it Squirle Pack. Now I want a t-shirt with that on it.
Back to the rabit hole. Jeez, then I find out Patrick Mahomes and his wife were at this same holiday party in matching reindeer onesies. Lord, have mercy. What's happening here? I will have to spend more time investigating these onesies another time. As an investigative journalist I can start down a rabit hole and end up in a snake pit. But where do you get those onesies? Are they made in China? The mind wanders.
But back to Taylor. Get this: She was in London with Beyonce just hours before the Kansas City party! The mind boggles.
Now I do know Taylor and Kelce are in the early days of their relationship. So the romance is hot like a rabit in heat.
Taylor and Kelce are spending their first Christmas together. That's always a special time before the screaming starts the next Christmas over something stupid like who broke the coffee pot.
That led me to this quote in Us Weekly about the couple's holiday plans – not that I care much but remember I'm down the rabit squirle hole: “They have very detailed plans coming up while she’s on tour and he has games. Taylor and Travis have the next few months completely laid out. They don’t want to start their relationship off with big gaps [in time spent apart]. They’re trying to be as much like a regular couple as possible.”
I know these are very, very important people – and one day they won't be as important, replaced by another Taylor and Kelce like Brad and Jen or Brad and Anglina, Elizabeth and Richard. For you youngins that's Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and from decades ago Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Sexy couples come and they go.
But, here's a word of advice for Taylor and Kelce, spontaneity is good for a relationship. IMO. Take time to feed the squirle.
Digging deeper, I discovered something I am sure every Swiftie, heck maybe everyone except me, knew: Taylor spent her early years on a Christmas tree farm.
That led to this question: Did Taylor have a Christmas album? As my dad used to say, I'll be damn. She does. Granted an older one. I must have been in a parallel universe or pop culture coma for several years not to know Taylor remade Wham's “Last Christmas.”
Time out while I go listen. Research, I call it.
I'm back. I will stick to the original version from the 80’s. I'm old school.
But what I can gather, and tell me if I'm wrong Swifties, Taylor has never had a major Christmas hit that starts playing in August and doesn't stop until March like Mariah Carey. Through diligent research I found “The Taylor Swift Holiday Collection.” I also found that her rendition of “Last Christmas” ranks 58 on Billboard's Greatest of All Time Holiday 100 SSongs. Fascinating list, that is.
Side note: I didn't know this until I was down the Squirle Rabit Hole: Mariah Carey and co-writer Walter Afanasieff wrote and composed “All I Want For Christmas Is You” in 15 minutes. And they will be cashing checks forever.
Not that Taylor needs more money but she needs a classic holiday song for the ages.
Here's what I'm seeing in my crystal ball with Taylor and Kelce. Christmas sweaters, deer onsies, professional football, mega global superstar who grew up on a Christmas tree farm. I mean, come on.
Taylor writes an epic Christmas song that eventually topples Mariah’s. The couple produce a Christmas movie about their romance that premieres in exclusively in theaters only later to end up as a holiday classic on the Hallmark channel – or whatever it becomes in future years. They, of course, live happily ever after with more and more green. As in money not Christmas trees.
If this should happen, I hope Taylor and Kelce head to South Arkansas and bring a snow machine. We've got great small towns for settings. We also have rabits. And … squirles.
That’s your five-minute Gen X’er Swiftie investigative report.