Dear Sarah,
You really know how to give a gift that keeps on giving.
It's called Lecterngate.
I'm not going to go through all of the complicated scandal history. Most of us know the gist of it, and you certainly know more than I do.
But for anyone living under a rock recently: You or someone in your office bought a $19,029.25 lectern with taxpayer money from your friend Virginia Beckett, who, funny enough, lives in Virginia. Or did live there. Who knows where she is now? She seems MIA.
The scandal has included the Freedom of Information Act, procurement procedures, the Republican Party of Arkansas, document shredding, a special legislative audit. And much more. All on the taxpayers’ dime.
The 68-page legislative joint audit dropped in a frenzy on Tax Day like a surprise Beyonce album. Ironic. Tax Day when citizens pay taxes that go to insignificant crap like, I guess, a lectern – or as you call it a podium.
Didn't everyone figure out the thing was called a lectern back in October? But whatev. More important fish to fry as we say.
Let's talk about that video you released right after the audit was posted online.
“My name is Podium.” A remix of a Jay-Z song. WTF?
Interesting choice Jay-Z's music, considering your stance on kids being protected from inappropriate things on social media.
Have you read the lyrics to “Public Service Announcement” by chance? Hmm, I'm not sure the Family Council would approve of them. Plus you know, Jay-Z is all about getting banned books in the hands of readers.
You signed a bill (SB81) into law that creates a process for challenging books available to children in public and school libraries. Such a law was needed to protect children from obscene material.
Which brings me this point.
Your remix is from a song on “The Black Album” that Jay-Z released in 2003. I happen to like the album, but in my wildest dreams — and I've had a few — I never connected Jay-Z to you and an Arkansas podium/lectern scandal.
“The Black Album” is explicit with a parental advisory. It says so right on the cover. I took a screenshot for you to see. This doesn't seem “on brand” for you. But what do I know?
People have called your podium video childish, and I can't disagree. Sometimes you have to be serious when you’re an adult especially as the governor of a state. An audit aimed at you loaded with unanswered questions and a recommendation to refer it to the prosecuting attorney and the attorney general is one of those times. You don't answer an audit with a video that looks like the intro to a video game.
You do know that in 2008 Jay-Z endorsed Barack Obama, right? In 2016 Jay-Z and Beyonce endorsed Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump, right? Neither Jay-Z or Beyonce endorsed Trump, your former boss, in 2020 either.
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in the meeting where the idea for your video was conceived. Trippy comes to mind.
A lot of people would like to know if our tax money paid for that video. I'd like to know, too, but even more, I would like to know what Jay-Z thought about it.
Moving on.
Have you talked to Virginia or Hannah since all of this audit mess happened? Did they help produce the video? I learned a lot about your two friends when I started researching and writing about them last fall.
Glam Girls who could have their own reality show called … Glam Girls. Y'all could get the mastermind behind that podium video to produce the show! The opening scene could be set at the Paris Air Show, giggling over an invoice for a lectern. The episode's name? “The Podium Scheme.”
“We will never get caught,” the three women say in unison.
Hey, if you need a script writer I might can squeeze you in when I'm not investigating leaky school roofs with suspicious warranties and school board members that don't file 1599 forms. (Google Act 1599 that your dad signed into law in 2001. It might come in handy as you navigate the next year of LEARNS.)
Back to that podium, lectern, whatever you call the thing.
Where is it? Is it really in the state capitol? Does the RPA keep it in a closet? Is it in a house on the Buffalo River? Mena? Crossett? Wynne? One of those other Capital for a Day places?
Here's my idea. Put that thing on display in the capitol rotunda. End the speculation and stupid sneakiness.
But then again, maybe you thrive on the drama of it all. Most Arkansans do not.
In the surreal video, reel, I don't know what you call it, it says, “Come and take it.”
While other people are saying they don't want it, girl, I mean, Governor, I do want it. Too many people have been obsessed it. I want to see this mythical creature! I’ll come and take it and charge folks money to see it.
I know you must think only the left is about this scandal, and you would be w-r-o-n-g.
A lot of people on the right and in the middle are mad about it. You spent taxpayer money without going through proper procedures. That makes people from all walks of life mad.
The audit that now goes to Will Jones, the Pulaski County prosecuting attorney, and Arkansas Attorney General Tim Griffin. Here's why.
We’ll have to wait for what happens next. See? All the elements of a binge-worthy series are in place. I get what you’re selling here. Get them hooked and keep those drama-happy, chaos-making keyboard warriors addicted so they can't focus on whatever else is going on in the state.
And there is a lot of stuff happening that's more important than a lectern, especially here in South Arkansas.
I think I'm going to borrow your motto: Come and get it. “It” being a story. If I happen upon the podium/lectern along the way, I will certainly take it. You've issued the challenge.
Don't forget. Come see me down in South Arkansas. If you talk to Virginia and Hannah tell them hello! Remind them that people in Arkansas want answers.
Last question, are you and your staff going to get “Come and Get It” tattoos to commerate this historic occasion?
Now back to listening to Jay-Z,
Suzi
I want to know what a lectern that costs that much can do.